soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
