Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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