At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
