I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
