So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
