from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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