I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
