I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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