The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize