You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
