If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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