Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
