I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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