But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
