I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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