If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
