In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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