batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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