maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
