Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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