He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
