i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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