walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
