Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
