one might say we're banned from that church
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
