The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He felt like a one man threesome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
