after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
