everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize