apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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