OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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