real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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