Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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