How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
