ADVERTISEMENT

• (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Fav 36 4787 1144

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.

  (951): View more from California

  Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.

  Fav 24 1770 2679

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.

  Fav 19 6134 1058

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

  Fav 58 1584 13511

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"

  Fav 13 1386 4325

  share tweet
  

• (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

  Fav 12 4612 1175

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

  Fav 10 2850 1133

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown

  Fav 4 1300 718

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set

  Fav 6 907 2071

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.

  Fav 6 1237 771

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens

  Fav 1 1743 717

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me

  Fav 4 848 601

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.

  Fav 0 621 314

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!

  Fav 3 86 99

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.

  Fav 0 52 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize