Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.