Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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