you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa