going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want to fling myself into the sun
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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