Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
