Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
