he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
