I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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