we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
NoShamevember. You game?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
