Im at strip club and am horny
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize