I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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