I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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