so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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