I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
