New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
