i need an iv and a liver transplant
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
