This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
