Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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