Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
