I'm eating all of the evidence.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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