you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
