I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
