I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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