Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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