I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
