I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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