good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
