What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
