if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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