my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
