the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
