Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just had sex bonerless
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice