Fine. I'll sleep in my office
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore