It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.