Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.

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  (847): everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool. (224): it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you. http://tfl.nu/qam8
  Replies (24) Good night (698) Bad night (3580)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (867) Bad night (3643)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (3016) Bad night (5007)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done

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  (516): I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done http://tfl.nu/fwxa
  Replies (15) Good night (3748) Bad night (2819)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping

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  (973): Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping http://tfl.nu/1og8
  Replies (21) Good night (4903) Bad night (1736)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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  (425): well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now.. http://tfl.nu/77ss
  Replies (10) Good night (1014) Bad night (1812)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

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  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2896) Bad night (5076)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  I just wanted to decorate you...

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  (269): It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair. (1-269): I just wanted to decorate you... http://tfl.nu/gax7
  Replies (8) Good night (3482) Bad night (729)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.

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  (978): just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins. http://tfl.nu/d5im
  Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (522)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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  (717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (1255)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.

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  (403): No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for. http://tfl.nu/z644
  Replies (4) Good night (1308) Bad night (574)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?

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  (616): Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything? http://tfl.nu/t3z5
  Replies (23) Good night (2627) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.

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  (708): I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun. http://tfl.nu/pax3
  Replies (1) Good night (244) Bad night (525)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  L'Shannah Tovah!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whats that? My new stripper name?

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  (214): L'Shannah Tovah! (832): Whats that? My new stripper name? http://tfl.nu/9zli
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (226)
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  (559): View more from California

  I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right

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  (559): I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right http://tfl.nu/jxe2
  Replies (2) Good night (355) Bad night (213)

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