we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
