sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
