She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.