Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My penis needs a shock collar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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