Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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