My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
