Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
