In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
