so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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